Life began when I saw your face: AFTER THE END.

After the End by Clare Mackintosh

My rating: 4.5 of 5 stars


Max and Pip have a deep, untenable bond and a strong marriage that they feel is sealed by fate. But when their nearly three-year-old son, Dylan, gets sick, everything they know changes. Dylan has a brain tumor, and now Pip spends her days in the PICU, while Max tries to juggle work and being strong for his wife and child. Then, the couple receives the worst of all news: the chemo isn't helping Dylan's tumor, and the doctors feel Dylan's condition is terminal. Suddenly, Max and Pip find themselves on opposite sides--each wanting different medical treatment for their beloved boy.

Clare Mackintosh offers us a beautiful, poignant, and heartbreaking book based on her life experiences, having lost her own son. Knowing this makes the book even more tender and real, as each word is based on a kernel of truth. Reading this book isn't always easy--as a parent, my heart digested these words and put myself in the shoes of Max and Pip. This book makes you think, and it makes you so incredibly grateful for your own life, wanting to snuggle your own children and hold them dear.


"How can my son be a breath away from death, when evidence of his life is all around me? When I feel him in my heart, as surely as when I carried him in my womb?"


The story is one of loss, yes, but it's also a love story: Max and Pip, Dylan and his family, and more. We are introduced to Dylan's family and also to Dylan's doctor, Leila, whom I really liked. Leila has her own struggles. Her mom, Habibeh, is visiting, but won't leave the house, preferring to watch QVC and cook endlessly for her daughter. (Habibeh is a trip; she's awesome.) The decision of Dylan's fate falls on Leila's shoulders first: a lot for a young doctor to bear. We get the story through her eyes and then each of Dylan's parents. As a mom, I felt drawn to Pip, but I liked how we got both Pip and Max's perspectives. Each only wants what is best for their son--and, at first, each feels they are doing the right thing.


"However long you spend with someone, however well you think you know them, they can still be a stranger to you."


Mackintosh is best known for her thrillers, and, this book is just as well-written as those. And, interestingly enough, she throws in a bit of a twist here, too. I won't spoil it, per se, but will tell you that this book is a fascinating exploration of choices, allowing you to think about life and the various paths that everyone can take. It's a sad book, yes, but lovely too--a tribute to parents, medical professionals, and to the children we love so much. It's a reminder to cherish those we hold dear and that life can be short but beautiful, no matter which way it may turn out.

Overall, even though I found this difficult to read at times, I'm really glad I did. I was reminded, yet again, what a good writer Clare Mackintosh is. I'm so incredibly sorry she lost her son, and I'm in such awe that she could turn that loss into such a lovely book. I highly recommend this--it's a beautiful exploration of life's different paths and what fate can bring us.

I received a copy of this book from the publisher and Edelweiss in return for an unbiased review (thank you!). 4.5 stars.

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