I just wanna spend every second with you: THE CALCULATION OF YOU AND ME.

The Calculation of You and Me: A Novel by Serena Kaylor
My rating: 3.5 of 5 stars

I have complicated feelings about this book, but that's appropriate, as our main character, Marlowe, is a complicated person. One of the best things about Serena Kaylor's books is that she writes nuanced characters with various dimensions, and she doesn't shy away from depicting neurodivergent personalities.

I was slow to warm to THE CALCULATION OF YOU AND ME and even considered not finishing it, due to Marlowe's singular focus on her ex, Josh, who breaks up with her at the end of the summer, but leaves enough glimmer of hope (in Marlowe's eyes) so that she pines for him all summer. When he truly ends it (in the chemistry lab, no less) on the first day back at school, she's devastated. Around Josh, Marlowe could feel "normal"--she had friends, she went out on dates and to parties, and she was part of the typical high school experience, much to her parents' relief. Without Josh, she's just weird Marlowe, autistic teen. Even worse, when Josh breaks up with her, he tells her she's not romantic enough, only solidifying her internal monologue that she's not like other girls.

Marlowe turns to fellow student Ash, a loner with whom she's been recently paired on an English project, to teach her about romance. Ash works at a romance bookstore (this town has a bookstore dedicated solely to romance books, which sounds so, so amazing) and while he's reluctant to help, citing pure hatred of Josh, Marlowe wins him over, especially when she helps publicize his band.

What follows is a very touching neurodiverse love story with an exploration of teen autism. It's an ode to romance, as Ash teaches Marlowe about the genre via various novels and then romance experiences (aka dates). One of the best things about the book is the focus on Marlowe's relationship with her friends, who are cute, quirky, and not afraid to be different. There's a diverse cast with queer characters--always appreciated.

While focusing on one thing (or person) is, in fact, a part of Marlowe's autism, her focus on Josh went on too long and the book would have been far more engaging with more Ash. It took 20% of the story to even get to her pact with Ash to learn about romance; with that early 20% focused almost solely on opining about Josh. (And I think it's fair to say that Josh is not worth opining over.) It would have been nice to see Marlowe reach her revelation about Josh's true character a bit earlier, so we could have more Marlowe/Ash time. Any part of the story that looked into Marlowe's relationship with her friends, her family, or her banter with Ash was far more interesting.

The story doesn't always feel deep or substantial, but its exploration of neurodivergence is excellent. This tale would be very appropriate and a good fit for its YA audience. 3.5 stars for me.

I received a copy of this book from Wednesday Books and Netgalley in return for an unbiased review.

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